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Abusive individuals are difficult to determine and sometimes, we confuse ourselves as to whether the person we think is abusive, is just making the normal mistakes made by humans. There are certain characteristics found in abusive individuals, that enable us with a little ease, to tell the difference between a person who is abusive, and an ordinary person.


Jealousy is a very prevalent feature in a relationship. We all want to feel belonged and want to feel was though the person we love, belongs to us, and only us. Sharing is caring, as the saying goes, though not when it involves people and feelings. Thus, it is common for people in a relationship to get overprotective over their significant other at times and get annoyed when someone of the opposite gender steers too close to the relationship. However, people who bear an abusive nature take jealousy to a whole new level and use it as a mechanism of abuse. They would tell you that they are jealous of you hanging out with your friends because they “love” you. See, love is confusing because, whilst love means caring and protecting your significant other it also means to trust and respect the other person’s feelings. If someone really loves you, they will trust you to hang out with a person of the opposite gender, without using it as emotional blackmail on you.

2. Quick Involvement

In an abusive relationship, there is a ravishing desire for dominance, and thus, the abusive partner may continuously push for quick involvement and commitment by the other party. For example, your partner may suggest tying the knot only after a brief period of dating, instead of taking things slowly and allowing events to unfold itself through time, just so that you belong to them and they would be able to have full control over you. The commitment is a sense of surety to them; assurance that you belong to them, and only them.

3. Two persons in one

Abusive individuals frequently instill a dual personality in them. They may be this vicious and bold person when they are alone with you, but in the presence of others, they appear to be a kind, loving and gentle partner. This would thus backfire any complains you make to the rest of the world about your partner being abusive to you, as everyone else views your partner as a “gem” of a person.

4. Isolation

In abusive relationships, the abusive partner very often likes to keep the doors of the relationship shut, and to keep things as private as possible. They are not fond of the interference of other people in their relationship. They often keep their partner in isolation, from having friends and in some circumstances, even keep them away from their families.

5. Usage of force.

Force is transmitted by one party on the other in various forms: the most common being physical force. Physical force may either take its play via physical bantering, and through “playful” usage of force during sexual intercourse, for example, when sexual intercourse is demanded even when their partner feels exhausted or unwell, and acting out fantasies or using objects during sexual intercourse that cause pain and tricking their partner by convincing them that the pain is only a form of pleasure.

6. No equal ground

Abusive relationships are one sided and have no common ground and shared respect. The abusive partner dictates and instructs, whilst the other partner obeys and follows. This is a common pattern in such relationships. Therefore, one partner is expected to take all the responsibilities including: managing the groceries, managing the children and everything else, all by themselves, whilst the abusive partner controls everything. There is a lack of negotiation and compromise present, and neither is there the existence of communication and regard for each other’s’ feelings.

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